Wedding gifts

In this blog post, the main topic is wedding gifts. It has been written by both of us, so please be forgiving about the mix of our writing styles. It will try to describe the traditions, evolution through the recent times and differences of Estonian and Castilian wedding gifts, with a bit of Dominican. Wedding gifts should not be just objects or envelopes of money. They symbolize what a society thinks marriage is supposed to be: the founding of a household, the joining of families, a religious rite, a practical economic step to help the new family grow, or simply a celebration of love. Comparing the countries in this sense is not trivial - there are few similarities. Moreover, the way how the wedding gifts have changed throughout the last century could illustrate the changes in both countries´ politics, religion, and everyday living standards.

In Estonia, older folk tradition did not originally revolve around the American idea of a “gift table.” One older form of a wedding gift was collecting money in exchange for beer or vodka during the wedding festivities.

Renacted scene by AI from an old Estonian wedding

During the first Estonian independence, from 1918 to 1940, wedding culture stood halfway between older village custom and a more modern, urban household ideal. That meant gifts were often useful rather than decorative, usually the gift was self-made: linen, bedclothes, towels, dishes, cookware, handmade textiles, small furniture, or money intended to help the couple establish a home.

Gift-giving in Soviet Estonia also became more practical, since consumer goods were limited - shortages of washing machines, refrigerators, TVs, vacuum cleaners, sewing machines etc.  were normal across the Soviet system. A good gift was often something hard to obtain and genuinely useful for everyday life: tableware, glassware, cutlery, fabric, bedding, lamps, carpets, or small appliances if one could get them. Soviet wedding gifts were less about taste and more about access. On the good side, the state did support families in various ways across the Soviet Union using broad family policy, maternity benefits, and heavily subsidized housing rather than into a romantic ideal of wedding gifting. During the Khrushchev era existed a promise of “to every family its own apartment,” but newlyweds without children often had little real chance of receiving an apartment quickly.

Photos of teacup sets gifted to Alvar's grandmother Irina and mother Anne

In present-day Estonia, wedding gifts are more flexible. Couples most likely already live together before marrying, so guests often prefer to give money, gift cards, or something experience-based rather than a heavy set of dishes no one asked for or furniture, that does not fit in the apartment. Also there is no need to bribe a friend at your local furniture factory to be able to purchase a sofa. At the same time, there is still room for a more personal Estonian touch: local design, handcrafted home textiles, ceramics, sauna-related gifts, or a contribution to a honeymoon or home project. In real life, cash is increasingly the easiest and often most appreciated option, especially when couples are already set up at home.

Spain offers a rather different historical picture. In the late 19th century, and still well into the early 20th century, wedding transfers were less about guests buying modern presents and more about family-provided marriage goods. The key concept here is the ajuar. The ajuar is a chest full of stuff: linen, sheets, tablecloths, furniture, and domestic goods, traditionally prepared by the bride’s family, often with embroidered pieces made by the bride herself. The family started preparing this when they got a new baby girl and this meant a wooden chest was regularly set aside to store these goods throughout her whole life.

An ajuar-style chest present in our place and a tea set gifted in their wedding to Sara's parents: Emilio y Rebeca.

In today’s Spain, especially in central regions such as Castilla-La Mancha and nearby areas, the dominant wedding gift is money. This is called sobre - the envelope with cash; though bank transfer is also common now. A Castilla-La Mancha media report noted in 2025 that almost half of couples pay for the wedding with the envelopes given by guests. That says a great deal: in modern Spain, the wedding gift is often expected to help cover the cost of the celebration itself. Something similar that Estonian were practicing during the 19th century by exchanging beer or vodka for money during the wedding.

When gifting in Spain, the guest tries to find out from the bride and groom's family what the price per "cubierto" is—the cutlery, a word used to describe the price of food per person—to gift this amount plus something extra depending on how close they are to the couple. Some couples organize their entire wedding by taking out a loan in advance, expecting to repay it with the gift money received later. This has become such that people in Spain tend not to welcome a wedding invitation.

Dominican Republic relies on the American system: gifting from a list of household appliances and items to furnish the home previously chosen by the couple. For Cris Pion's wedding, I couldn't attend, but I was able to make a purchase from his online wedding gift list. After the wedding, he received everything that guests bought from the list at the store. This system allows people to select gifts within their budget that the couple desires and ensures no duplicates. Isn't technology wonderful? I recall when I was young, there was a physical wedding list. My mom, along with her friends, bought something for a wedding and had to inform the list handler to avoid duplicate gifts. The wedding itself is also organized around people's gifts. Not as blatant as in Spain, but the couple tends to rely on the godmother and godfather and tasks them with the wedding dress or some other important wedding part. Depending on people's resources even the food might be tasked to different guests and be put together as a buffet.

I'd like to tell you more about the historic aspects of gift-giving in the DR, but I lack the information. I invite you to ask the other Pion (Ruth, the anthropologist) directly at the wedding if this topic is of interest to you.

Now, for our wedding gifts, we are following the rule that everyone who has been invited should be coming. It is infuriating for us if anyone excuses themselves from the wedding because they feel they may not be able to bear the cost of the gift. A significant number of guests are not from Spain and have additional traveling expenses. So, a gift or sobre if not within someone's budget is not necessary. Of course, we do still accept the sobre. The money would be used to pay for the wedding party, honeymoon trip, and if there is some leftover, maybe replace some house appliances.

In order for nobody to come empty-handed, everyone should bring a postcard with wishes, recipes, tips, life hacks, or anything written that could be special. However, the postcard should not be a simple photo. The image on the card should also be related to the place you are coming from or that feels special to you. If the place is too common, maybe a postcard of something meaningful that you share with the couple. It should be a thoughtful gift. We´ll put these into our collection.

PS. If sobre is your choice, please make it cash or consult us so that the Spanish government would not see it as income and tax us.